How To: Build Furniture

Roughly a year ago, one of my closest friends moved back to Noosa.
Her fiancé worked away, and therefore, when all of her flat packed new furniture got delivered including, but not exclusive to, a double bed frame, a glass dining table with four matching chairs, a glass coffee table and two bed side tables, she had to call for reinforcements... aka, me.
Now most furniture that requires DIY construction, comes with instructions.
But the thing about instructions is, they're extremely boring...
And so we did what any two adults would do, when presented with such a task- we looked at the pictures and hoped for the best.

Most of them were pretty straight forward, the wooden slats fit into the slat sized holes in the bed frame, the metal poles screwed into the leg holes in the coffee table, and the black caps fixed on the end of the chair legs.
We made do, and regardless of our sex, we built some bitchin' furniture, without the help of a man.
Fast forward to the present, and alas, she has moved again, which meant, a) unbuilding the old furniture in which we were so proud, and b) building new, much more complex furniture which may have tested us to new limits.

The trick with building furniture is- sometimes you need tools.
As two, young, semi-clueless and inexperienced furniture building woman, we did not seem to have the required tools just laying around, and due to not having read the instructions prior, we hit a dead end, fairly early on.

NEVERTHELESS, we managed to fearlessly, and successfully, put together a glass tv unit, without reading the instructions, and only briefly glancing at the pictures to see what order the screws went in.
After this build went surprisingly well, we thought, you know what? We are strong, furniture building  savvy legends- we might as well put the new bed together whilst we're here and on a roll.

But sadly, that is where we met our match, because unlike the good old fashioned wooden slatted, metal framed, screw in double bed from the previous year, this new, modern, updated bed set required one thing that we, as rookie furniture builders, had never seen coming: A drill.

A drill, which we did not possess, but did we let that stop us? HELLLL NO!
Never taking no for an answer, we ploughed on and attempted to use a screw driving kit, which needless to say, was not much help at all.
The instructions also had a very small, missable instruction in the top right hand corner, that told us a spanner was also required to satisfactorily build this bed.
And alas, we did not possess either of these tools.
And so, our very brief, very victorious furniture building careers, came to an abrupt, and very sad end.

So- You're looking to build some furniture?
Here's some handy tips:
1) Maybe read the instructions first- make sure you've got the required tools on hand, and if not, acquire or borrow some
2) If the furniture item looks fairly straightforward, maybe just skim the pictures, just in case
3) If a drill is required and you are a first timer, and fairly uncoordinated, accident prone or just generally retarded, maybe call in a brother, father or tool-handy friend to assist you in the safe usage of such a powerful instrument
4) If it looks like it does on the box, or close enough, then you've done well
5) Build large objects in the room you're planning on using it, because sometimes, after hours of putting a double bed frame together, or a heavy bookshelf, there is no way in hell you're going to get it through a tiny door frame without having to unbuild it and start over...
6) Always make sure you invite your super helpful, reliable and extremely attractive best buddy over to, at the very least, supervise the building whilst diminishing your chocolate stash

In the end boys and girls, and wandering almost-adults, building furniture can be surprisingly fun and rewarding, and it's really, not as hard as it looks if you keep to the very basic stuff!

The Notion of Love

Everyone searches for love, almost desperately.
But hardly anyone just lives their lives and lets love find them.
I don’t mean ignoring it, and just sitting back and expecting it to fall into your lap. But there’s a difference between chasing and pursuing love, rather than hunting any possible form of it down.
Because that’s what I’ve been seeing lately, people that are just so lonely, they will honestly settle anyone who shows them the slightest bit of affection.

& lately I’ve even been questioning the existence of love- like actual love how it’s portrayed in romance films and classic novels (not romeo and Juliet, that was a terrible love story).
But not even those kinds of fictional romanticized tales, just plain and simple, unconditional love!
Love that rips into your life like a tornado, unexpectedly whipping you off your feet and taking you by surprise, and changing your life forever.
The kind of love where you know each other almost as well as you know your selves and can rely on each other unquestionably, and you feel as if you’re never alone, because you’re a team, and that person brings out your best self.
Does that kind of love even exist?
Or do we just convince ourselves that we find it in people or see it, because it’s what we long for and it’s what the media have visualized for us?

I’ve had, what feels like, a long time to think about love, and what it means and what it is and if it exists, and to witness various amounts of it- in friends, in family, in films, in novels, in shopping centres, at airports, in everyday life.
& my conclusion? The more I witness, the more confused I am.

But I’ve always been a big believer in love, and of love.
I’ve always been a fan, and I’ve always been a romantic.
I love love, but I sometimes struggle to know the difference between love and attraction, or just a connection or a spark.
I think we all do- I think we feel like we have to label it love, because that’s what we want it to be, therefore we kind of trick ourselves into thinking it is love.
But I don’t think I have ever been in the kind of love that I’ve always wanted…
Does that make any sense?
I think I’ve thought that I was in love, many a times, and there probably has been one or two occasions where I definitely was, or I definitely felt very strongly about it, but they weren’t any where near the kind of love I would settle for.
I have high expectations, and although they may be construed as naïve, I may be optimistic when it comes to love, but I’m also a realist at heart, hence my doubts and skepticism about loves existence.
I know what it feels like to long for that “perfect love” and that “perfect person”, and it’s not even that they have to be flawless and perfect, it’s just that they’ll be perfect in a way that they perfectly suit you, and perfectly love you, for being imperfect, and vice versa of course.

There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, or if there is, I’ve never seen one in real life, or heard of one in real life.
Love takes work, and compromise but if each is willing and if both parties only have each others best interests at heart and care for each others happiness then I think it’s got a pretty good chance of working- and that can’t be too much to ask. But like I’ve said, I’ve had what feels like a long time to consider love, and to form my opinions and thoughts and expectations of it.
I’ve gotten my heart “broken" throughout various points in my life, or more accurately, I’ve been dumped a lot.
But recently, I got dumped REAL bad.
Like it was the toughest one, and my longest and most serious relationship.
But If I’m honest, sometimes I look back on it and think, why did I stay in it? Where did it start going wrong and when did I start feeling sad all the time instead of happy? Where was the breaking point? Why did I feel trapped in it? Why didn’t I just quit? Because it was all I knew? Because I didn’t want to be alone? Because I’d tricked myself into thinking I did actually love him?
I think that is honestly a major human flaw.
Even when we don’t love someone, we trick ourselves into thinking “yes we do” because we think we have to or think that it’s right, or we have even just genuinely fooled ourselves into thinking we are in love with someone.
But deep down, if you really ask yourself, and get past all the bullshit, which is really hard these days with everything so shoved in your face, then you’ll see that sometimes it’s all just a façade.
Sometimes, you have to get an outsiders perspective, or take a break and really ask yourself, is this relationship making me happy? Is it in my best interests? Is it what I want? Are they what I want? And do I love them?

I feel like if I hadn’t of been dumped, I don’t know if I ever would have gotten out of that relationship, and that scares me to death, that I could have been in that forever, and never have experienced adult single-ness, and would never have grown up, and experienced just adult life in general, on my own.
I would never have gotten a chance to know myself, which I still don’t.
I’m still figuring me out, and my ex boyfriend, by dumping me, gave me a second chance at the life I deserve- one that is purely based on what I want.
Now I’m definitely not there yet.
I still sometimes feel that pathetic kind of longing for someone, and I still feel alone sometimes, which I think is ok.
But what isn’t ok, is feeling like you have to have somebody romantic in your life, to feel validated and to give your life meaning.
I feel like it’s so important to love yourself first, and I’ve stressed this over and over, so until then, I don’t think I’ll be ready.

Step one, was booking flights to Europe, and it felt amazing.
Seeing the world will definitely open up my mind and soul and heart.
I will hopefully gain a shit tonne of experiences, make loads of new friends and meet so many new people and see so many amazing places.
I want to leave my comfort zone, and let the social norms be stripped away so it’s just me and my mind.
I want to talk to my heart, unguarded, and have a conference with my mind, once the mist has all cleared, so that I can ask them what they want and who they want to be, and from there I will work towards becoming that person and getting those things.

Because at the moment, I’m struggling to get/keep my life in order.
I want to write, and film things and create things- I feel like my head is full of ideas and sentences just waiting to burst out, but I feel like I never have time to let them come out in a structured/organized manner.
My life just feels chaotic!
I don’t get enough sleep, I don’t drink enough water, I don’t do enough exercise, I don’t write or read enough, I don’t make enough videos, I don’t eat as healthy as I should, my room is always a mess and I’m always unorganized and running late.

But if I feel so lost and like such a mess, how could I ever expect somebody to want to date me or to love me in this condition?
You know what I mean?
I need to get my shit together and be someone worth loving!
Even just for myself at first.
& I feel like we legit have our whole lives to be tied down to stuff like children, and mortgages, and marriages, and careers, and all that jazz.
Don’t get me wrong, those things can be great, but why rush?
I feel like whilst we are young, literally responsibility free, and able, we should live selfishly- within reason.
Don’t blow people off and forget about your loved ones, but live like you have nothing holding you back, chase your dreams and pursue things you love.
Don’t make excuses not to, because you’ll always be able to find excuses.

I want to be me, and love me.
I want to be free and have no respsonsibilities or time limits.
I want to be selfish and gain experiences and friends and wisdom.
I want to see everything and go everywhere and meet everyone.
I want the world to be my oyster, and roam it freely.
& I don’t want anything or anyone to stand in my way.

Solo Traveller

So... 

It looks like I'm going to be flying 16,516 kilometres across the world and travelling to 17 different countries over 45 days, all on my lonesome.

That’s right folks, Jessie Martin is hitting Europe- SOLO

In a weird way, I think it was meant to be like this. I’m a strong advocate of "everything happens for a reason"- I believe it strongly because things always have an odd way of working themselves out for me, regardless of whether that means they begin in a way that seems negative or not. 

Countless times I have thought that something has been the end of the world, and the end of life as I knew it - but I survived, and moved on, and because that door closed or slammed in my face, another one opened and led me on a much better path. But without that first event that rocked my world in a terrifying way, I never would have even looked for another door, let alone have gone through it.

For as long as I can remember I have felt like Europe was calling to me and that I had to go, no matter what. The day I decided to book a trip and quit uni, was nerve wracking and terrifying, but it also felt so right. I originally had a friend who was going to come with me, but alas, life got in the way as it sometimes does, and fate intervened, leaving me a solo traveller. Another close friend then moved back home with a strong desire to go on a life changing adventure, and so I presented her with the trip. At first she was keen, but then after lots of umming and ahhhing, she decided it wasn't the right time for her to go. My best friend had considered it, but had just gone through a significant change in her life, so again, decided it wasn't the right time. Then an old school friend contacted me, expressing her interest in accompanying me on the trip, but again, has just messaged me to say it is a bit much for her as she has never left the country before...

So that was it. I was done.

So, that was it. Instead of being angry or disappointed that they are unable to come, or even sad that I’d have to face the world on my own- I decided that I just had to accept the fact, that I was clearly meant to go alone. I think that it was always meant to be this way, and even though it is daunting to think of myself travelling the world on my own, I cannot wait to see what happens when I get there, meet hundreds of new people, see amazing landmarks and experience different cultures. I’m excited to see why I had to go alone, I’m excited to live in that moment, and to get to know myself better, even. I guess in the end, the only person you can ever fully rely on is yourself, and so what better way to trust myself and rely on myself than to go gallivanting around a new continent without knowing a soul.

Sure it would be nice to have a friend with me to share the memories with, or a familiar face I can trust and fall back on- but at least alone I can do whatever I want to do and see whatever I want to see without feeling like I have to consider someone else. 

I can be utterly selfish and indulgent and free.

I’m a little nervous, but I really think that going alone is something I need to do for my own personal gain. I really think that this is somehow how it was meant to be, for whatever reason. 

So on that note, Watch out world- Here comes Jessie Martin, solo traveller.

In Love, With The Idea Of Being Love

In today's society, the word "love" is tossed around too often and without real purpose.

We are all in love with the idea of being in love, rather than meeting someone and naturally falling in love with who they are and how they make us feel.

People get into relationships these days because they feel like they should be in one.
People are so infatuated with the idea of being in love, that they will literally take anyone.
We all just want someone to share our lives with, spend our time with and to spoon us.
We all crave love and affection, but are becoming too impatient and settling for just about anyone.
We're not getting to know people and falling in love with who they are anymore, we're falling in love with the idea of who they could be with us, without even finding out what kind of person they are.
We feel like if we're not in a relationship then we should be, and we are constantly being subjected to images of "love" and "perfect relationships" through social media, that is causing us to develop false illusions of "love" and to crave anything that will come remotely close to our fabricated expectations. 
We forget to actually get to know a person and miss out on legitimately falling in love with someone for who they are; we get into relationships purely to not be alone- & that's shit.

There seems to be this constant fear of being "forever alone"; of never having a boyfriend or girlfriend, of never being kissed, of never losing your virginity, and of never being loved. 
I have seen this "fear" in people as young as 12, and they genuinely think that if they don't have sex, or kiss someone or get someone to "date" them, right then and there, that they will end up a lonely old person with 27 cats, never having experienced love.
So they rush into things, jumping into anyones bed, or backseat, or even public toilets and bushes.... and they take away the importance of those first special moments and experiences.
Sex becomes... mediocre and meaningless, and love is non-existent, leaving only a very false illusion.
There's no thrill of the build up to a first kiss, there's no tingling anticipating and rarely any surprises.
There's no meeting each other half way, or going above and beyond just to see one another.
It's all very desensitised, unemotional and clinical. 
& It's sad, because everything magical about love, is dying with our generation, or so it seems.

Now that there's snap chat, and Skype, and FaceTime, and instant messaging, and Facebook and instagram, etc, the technology just desensitises us and lessens the intimacy of "love".
People can present themselves and their love life in anyway they like, and people can now get rejected on multiple platforms without ever having to be told face to face.
We get lazy because we can just call people or video chat with them, rather than having to make plans or go and see them, we can just text them that we can't make it to something, so that we don't have to face their disappointed face in real life.
People are more distracted, and can find out whatever they want to know about you by going on your Facebook page or stalking your instagram to see what you had for lunch yesterday.
People start relationships through social media with people they've never even met- people who are just searching for anyone to make them feel loved and special.
& don't get me wrong, feeling alone is nothing to be ashamed of, we've all been there- but people are getting so desperate that they're literally on the hunt for a partner, rather than letting feelings with people and for people naturally progress, they just snatch up anyone who they find slightly attractive.
I think, although you might feel lonely sometimes, and the idea of having somebody seems like the best possible thing, it only is if you really know that person, love most things about that person and can stand being around them for long periods of time- all of which takes time and work.
& even with all these means of communication, it still ceases to amaze me how lonely we all feel.
If someone doesn't text us back straight away, or doesn't answer our drunk calls, or stops retweeting us or has "seen" our latest message but hasn't replied, we feel so dejected and unloved.
In a world so big, with so many people connecting every second, we feel tiny and we feel alone.
We check every social media app and website for any messages or notifications from someone we like and it's crazy the excuses that people come up for in defence of their crushes...

But it has honestly taken me up until now, at the age of 19, to realise that if someone really likes you, they will make an effort- and boy do they have a lot of options....
With the bazillion means of contact they have at their disposal, if they want to talk to you, you will not miss it (unless your phone explodes or your computer gets laptop-napped whilst you sleep).
You shouldn't have to constantly keep putting yourself out there and messaging them and stressing about why they haven't replied when they're "online" and why they haven't liked your latest selfie.
If someone REALLY is keen on you, they will go to the ends of the earth to a) contact you, b) to arrange to see you or c) to let you know how they feel about you.
So if someone isn't contacting you, arranging to see you or telling you that they're crazy about you, the chances are that they're probably not and you should back the hell up and find someone worth your time.

Over the last year, I have really had some reflective time to consider this whole love thing, and I've come to the conclusion that:
a) Everything happens for a reason- you meet certain people at certain points in your life for a reason, be it a quick romantic fling to remind you that there is still hope for your love life, or a head over heels, sweeps you off your feet kind of meeting, they will come when they are meant to come, 
which brings me to b) Love tends to find you, when you stop looking for it and when you are least expecting it- and it's those kinds of love that really do sweep you off your feet & take you by surprise
c) Life is too goddamn short to wait around for some boy or some girl, to make up their mind about whether or not they like you, or to wait around for them to text you, or to let them sit on the fence about whether or not they want a relationship or to just keep it casual- make your intentions clear, and if they don't reciprocate your feelings, and are just fucking you around, then move on! Don't waste your time on someone who isn't putting time into you- because chances are they never will
d) BE PATIENT- Stop being desperate and imagining the kind of relationship you and that hot lifeguard could have, or the what that cute checkout chick would look like on your wedding day... I am a firm believer in those clich'e, catch your breath, be swept off your feet and fireworks exploding in the background moments when you just know that you are seeing the love of your life, naive possibly, but I think we all have that someone out there, and that they are worth waiting for, and even if you don't believe in soul mates or "the one" or whatever, then at least hold out for genuine feelings and genuine happiness. 
DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS THAN YOU DESERVE & DO NOT SETTLE FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T MAKE YOU FEEL LOVED & HAPPY EVERYDAY!



Keep the magic of love alive.

Fragile Hearts & Rose Tinted Glasses

Here's a bit of a girly post, coming at you from the crushed souls of many infatuated females...

Why is it, that guys seem so much less emotionally attached than girls?
I'm sure there is some science behind hormones and emotional levels, or whatever, but we're all human right?
We all have empathy and the ability to be honest.
So why does it seem like guys can just turn off their emotions, and not care at all?
Do they really just... not care at all?
& if they don't then why do they waste our time?
Is breaking hearts an enjoyable, sought after hobby?
I've always been a brutally honest kind of person; I don't like to be lied to, I don't like dishonesty and I don't like bull shit or people beating around the fucking bush.
If you like me, then tell me and I'll tell you if it's mutual.
If you don't like me, and only want to have sex with me, then tell me that too.
What the hell is wrong with being open and forward with people?
Mixed signals are cruel and honestly just waste peoples time and crush their hearts.
If someone likes you, and it's not reciprocal then it can be tough to tell them sometimes, because no one likes being that asshole and crushing someones soul.
But I think I speak for all of humanity (or most of them anyway) when I say that it's much better to know where each other stands early on, rather than being led on for months of emotional investment just to have your heart ripped out.

Girls also seem to have this defect where, even when we can recognise that the guy we like is being a complete asshole and just messing us around, we still, without fault, try to fix things...
Like it's our fault or something we've done that has made them blow us off, or not text us back, or go out and hook up with a bunch of other people.
Its like we wear these rose tinted glasses and the sun shines out of their ass and even though we know they're treating us like shit, and are being complete jerks, we still want them to love us.
We still want them to care and to want to get to know us and to text us and we don't want to be alone.
We also don't want to be that clingy bitch, or the "fun police"...
We want to seem cool and casual and laid back and chilled, when really, it's not ok what they're doing, and we fucking know it...
Sure, some girls are pretty chilled out and some couples work well in open relationships or can just trust each other and can be cool to not hear from each other for long periods of time, and some girls are cool with just sex relationships where you can just call each other when you're feeling a bit lonely.
But not all girls are, and if thats what you want from someone, then make that shit clear as day!
But it's definitely not ok, the way that some girls, myself included, let guys they like walk all over them because they let their emotions override their logic and allow them to cloud their better judgement- WHY DOES THIS EVEN HAPPEN?!
As sad as it is, I do sometimes wonder why we become so set on making the ones who will never like us, develop feelings for us, because its next to impossible, and we know it, yet we still won't give up and all that happens is we let them fuck us over, by fucking ourselves over, and that's just dumb.

But I'm always going to tell people how I feel and be brutally honest, which doesn't always work in my favour, but it's how I function and I can't and won't change that.
In return, all I expect is the same- make your intentions with people clear, tell them how you feel, tell them how you don't feel and tell them what you want.
Don't lead people on, don't mess people around, and don't treat people like shit.
I feel like that's a pretty simple ask of the human race.

The Right Way To Live

By Jessie Martin

I've noticed with the rise of social media and technology in general, that everyone seems to be either posting a countdown of how long they have to wait until their next trip or holiday OR post-trip depression and withdrawal photos saying things like "wish I was back here" and "Throw back Thursday" OR photos of them having the time of their lives ON the trip "from where you'd rather be".

It's all focused around the fact that our lives almost revolve around getaways because our daily routine lives are so draining that we would just much rather be anywhere else- and sure, everyone loves a good holiday and a nice getaway, but you can't do it all the time because you would run out of money and you have to get back to reality, right?

But... is that right...? Why can't we live like we're on holiday all the time? I would love to know what we would look forward to and how different some of us would be if we were constantly in holiday mode, and didn't have this dream trip to look forward to- if it was just a constant reality.

Shouldn't life be like that...? Shouldn't we be able to live wherever we want to live? And do whatever we want to do? Sure we need money to live luxuriously, and if we're being realistic then yes, we all have to work to get what we want, but why can't we have the best of both worlds?

Our lives have become so centred around our jobs and our careers that simple things like love, and friendships, and nature, and the world, and even the planet, are so much less important to us. 

We would rather spend money on fake tans, and teeth whitening, and expensive clothes and shoes and bags to try and impress people and look good, but for what? What are you actually gaining from spending money on that skirt that you will probably never wear, and those earrings that will probably just sit on your shelf? A very brief feeling of what you assume will be happiness, but will actually just be an illusion, and by the end of the week all you will have is the same empty feeling and a rapidly decreasing bank account to match.

Life just seems to have become such a vicious & endless cycle- you study, study, study at school, and work hard at your exams, just to go on and study more and do more exams at university, so you can get a "good" job and work even more, so that eventually when you turn 70 you can sit in a rocking chair and look out the window at some pretty trees swaying in the wind, trying to remember what it felt like to climb them... 

It is so ingrained into us that we need to create these foundations for our future when we are young and start this career and path for ourselves that can help us earn lots of money, but we have so long to figure all of that out, whats the rush? Why do we need to worry about the money we're going to want to spend in the future? People can be just as happy without a big fancy house and an equally large mortgage. People can be happy debtlessly frolicking through life, from place to place.

We don't live in the present enough, we spend so much time either stressing about the future, and what might or might not happen, or we're reminiscing on the past and "the good old days" when we had "more time" and less responsibilities. 

Whenever someone is going on a trip or holiday people are always "so jealous" and call you "lucky" but there is absolutely no reason why they can't do it too.

You may have won a trip or gotten one as a gift, in which case you are lucky! 

But usually, it's a trip that you've worked your ass off to save for so that you could have an escape and a break from your daily life, and there is nothing "lucky" about that, and they are jealous; they are jealous of the fact that you have the guts to leave it all behind for a while and spend your hard earned cash on a well deserved trip to somewhere they would kill to be.

But it really comes down to what you want out of life and what you think will make you happy. 

If you love your job, your friends, your family and your life just the way it is and the way it's going, then continue on, congrats! But if you don't, don't feel like you're trapped in some endless cycle of expectations that society has created for you to fulfil, because you definitely aren't.

If you hate your job as it is, then why not pick up something simple like bartending or barista-ing and be able to travel with it and just work in place to place as you go? 

Everyone feels like they are trapped and they have to decide what career they want to work towards, or that they have kids to look after and bills to pay- but seriously, you only live once... and I know that sounds cliche' and simple... but not enough people seem to realise it and make the most of it!

There is ALWAYS going to be plenty of time to go to university, get that degree that you think you might like but is really just your parent's idea of financial stability. 

There is always going to be time to work in a job that you hate, to get a mortgage, get married, have kids, get loans, pay bills, settle down, etc. 

But I don't understand why young people are expected to worry so much about creating their futures so early on... why aren't we encouraged to make the most of our youth and live like there's no tomorrow and seize the fucking day! CARPE FUCKING DIEM!

It takes balls, it takes boldness and it takes a shit tonne of bravery- but I IMPLORE you to drop all of it! All the materialist, consumerist and unfulfilling ways of life that you are so used to- your 9-5 desk job, your crappy on/off relationship, your superficial and expensive social life, your financially depleting cramped apartment, and even your family- who will definitely still be there when you get back- or even better- take them with you.. but if no one is willing to take the leap with you, then leap on your own... and GO! 

Stop waiting for "the right time", stop waiting for "the right person" and live your life like you have nothing to tie you down, no expectations, responsibilities and no one to look out for but yourself and those people who are truly worth it.

Take the world by storm, see everything you possibly can and just do what makes you happy- there's no time to waste on anything else.

Why Do We All Feel, So Hopelessly Lost?

Since leaving school and becoming an "adult" there has been one major reoccurring theme in my life:
 Feeling lost and misdirected. 

I knew that this was quite common amongst late teenagers, however it's only recently that I've noticed just how common it is.
It's like everyone I know is lost and confused (except the few lucky gems who have it all figured out).

No body knows what they want to do or who they want to be, so we live in this kind of dismal denial and pretend that we're happy or that we know what we're doing when we don't.
We pretend that the future doesn't scare the crap out of us but it does.
& what's even more scary is that it's not just teenagers! It's "adults" too (granted mostly young adults, but i've even seen 40 year olds who are still so helplessly misplaced).

So why?
Why are we all so depressed and stuck, and feeling like we have no idea and no direction and are just blindly stumbling through life hoping for a good outcome, regardless?

Do we have too many options? Because surely that would make us more productive and motivated?
Is it because of the uncertainty of the future? Because that's always been a thing- people from the 1800s didn't know what the hell was going to happen in the future, but they weren't as unhappy as us (granted they had a lot of other shit going on, but we won't talk about that!).

People in the 1900s didn't know what the future held, and as job prospectives opened up and equality was finally semi-established, people flourished with the new opportunities- they didn't feel lost, they were just happy to be able to earn some money.

So are we ungrateful and selfish?
Are we too demanding and do we have too many expectations on our society?
Or are we just lazy?

They say that the young people of today have so many options and opportunities and potential and they have the world at their feet, and it's true, we do.
But it's almost like we don't know what to do with the world, so close and fragile and seemingly unobtainable...
What if we go for what we think we want, but mess it up?
Wouldn't it be easier to never try, so as to never have failed and never have been hurt?

I think we all deep down, know what we want out of life, but because there are so many options, we get confused as to which direction we want to focus on and take.
We get overwhelmed by all these choices and decisions that need to be made, and we freak out that we might make the wrong one and never get a chance to re-make it.

But why are all of these people sitting around feeling sorry for themselves and letting the future and lack of decision-making scare them?
Why do we need to know what to do with our lives?
Should we not just do what makes us happy (unless it involves something illegal like murdering small children- because you can actually go to prison for that) and live day by day?
Sure it's socially acceptable and expected to think ahead, and plan and make as much money as possible, but if you're not happy, is it really worth it when you turn 90 and realise you haven't done anything you wanted in your sad, drawn out, boring, working life?
Find what you love and let it take you away and guide you through the darkness, no matter what the outcome!

I know that they say "Happiness isn't a destination, it's a journey": but it is hard to begin the journey when you have no destination in mind.
It's always nice to have a vague idea of where we are headed, so that we can steer ourselves in that direction, and yes of course, enjoy the ride on the way.

& remember, whatever imaginary vehicle or mode of transport is taking you to your destination/goal, be it a flying unicorn, a monster truck, a magic carpet or a donkey; You can always change its course or turn it around, no matter how far into it you are.

So don't rely on a map, use your heart as a compass and let it guide you.
#realcheesytalk

Feeling Lost?

Let me start by saying, we all get a little lost sometimes... (cue inspirational music)

I think the transition from high school to adulthood is one of the most scary and confusing times of our lives, and when we are almost certainly prone to get lost.
There are a lot of people who feel like they're wasting their lives because they have no idea what they want to do with them, and feel as if they're sitting around waiting for something to happen.
There's a sort of limbo time, usually used to find ourselves, I suppose, and to establish ourselves as humans or adults or even just people who know who they are and what they're doing.
But it can be tough, especially in todays society, when there are so many options and choices.
We all strive to be successful and achieve our goals and dreams- but it's always hard to start.
Where do you start?

If you're an optimist, let's go with one of my favourite pieces of advice I've ever been offered:
"Do with your life, what you would do, if you knew you couldn't fail"
That hobby you enjoy so much, that hidden talent you love to whip out, that thing that you are SO passionate about? Find out how you can incorporate them into a financially viable career.
Do what you love and follow your heart and make it great and share it with the world!!
I know that sometimes, mixing your passions with your job can take the fun out of it.
& if you think this might be the case, then go with a second option- something you enjoy enough that you would be happy doing it everyday, but something that you don't love too much so you that you wouldn't end up hating it- & keep your passion for a hobby on the side!

If you're a pessimist.... it's a little more depressing (obviously):
For starters, you should know what you're good at, Or- "FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT"
If you're looking for financial stability or extreme wealth, then you need to find the highest paying job that you are eligible for with whatever skills or talents you may have.
If you're a lazy slob who mainly sits at home watching tv marathons day after day, then you won't have too many on that list, but as a pessimist, you've probably already worked that out.
SO, what are you good for? NOT absolutely nothing! There's always prostitution- although after all those tv marathons (and i'm assuming pizza) you're not going to have the hottest bod.

But BACK TO THE POINT...
Everyone has that moment of sighing, looking into space and thinking:
"WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?"
Even adults- I shit you not.
Everyone gets comfortable in their daily lives, and if you're not already working towards a future plan or career, then you probably look into the future sometimes and stress- I know I do.
But you shouldn't- and that's the truth.
I know numerous 30 year olds who STILL haven't got their shit together & still don't know what they want to do with their lives.
The fact is, you should do what you enjoy, and sure you can plan a great future with a high paying job that you may love or hate, or base it purely off enjoyment and passion- either way you do NOT have to know right this minute- because living in the moment can be equally as rewarding...
You never know what's just around the corner, and might jump out at you unexpectedly (hopefully it's not a rapist or murderer- if you're worried about these possibilities, maybe carry a rape whistle and some pepper spray).
But sometimes you need to feel lost, and confused, so that you might stumble across the right path to lead you to where you want to go (corney as all hell, I know).

I just think that our generation gets so caught up in the pressures of being successful, and are overwhelmed with all the job possibilities, which isn't to say we aren't grateful for all the opportunities we are presented with- simply that we are conflicted between our heads and our hearts.
We want to do what we love and follow our dreams, but we also feel the need to make smart, financially viable choices, that will set us up for 'safe' futures.
But in the wise words of Jim Carey:

"You can fail at what you don't want, so you might as well take a chance on what you love"

(see inspirational video here)

Taking The Wheel

As previously mentioned, Adulthood is hard to define.
Legally, you are an adult at 18.
But one of the most vital signs that you are a "self sufficient & responsible" adult is:

INDEPENDENCE FROM YOU PARENTS

If there are no adults looking after you, then YOU are looking after you.
You are therefore self sufficient, and responsible for yourself.
But sometimes, it's hard to get into that classification.
It's nice living with your parents- things are free.
They do your washing, and sometimes cooking, and always cleaning.
& you will learn to appreciate it all, once you have to do it yourself.
However, it is also sometimes hard to get out of the my-child stage.
The stage of treating you like you are still 12 and haven't done your chores.
The stage of restricting your actions & influencing your decisions.
There's a sort of blurred line- if you still live with them- are they still "incharge" of your life?
Can they still tell you what to do?
Or what if you've moved out but they still pay your rent? & fund a lot of your endeavours?
Are they not still entitled to be in control?

This is a tough one.
You don't have to cut your parents off completely to be seen as an adult.
However, it's difficult to define the line.
I can't speak for everyone, but my parents are, and always have been extremely good to me.
I moved back home this year and they still do my washing, buy all the food, pay my phone bill, don't charge me rent, occasionally will shout me drinks, and if i'm going out there's always a pick-up offer.
Now whilst I appreciate this to no end and am undisputedly and forever grateful, am I in their debt?
Is their kindness and, I suppose you could call it charity, something that I now owe them for?

When an issue or situation has arisen that my father wasn't completely happy about me doing, or neither of them exactly condoned a choice I made or a plan I hatched up, it was as if, all of a sudden, they wanted a full refund on their investment.
The claws came out- the threats of "Well if you want to be treated like an adult, start paying rent like one" and "Well you're living under our roof so you do as we say".
This in my eyes, was unbelievably unfair- I was a legal adult goddamnit!
Just because I wanted to do something that they didn't want me to do, or go somewhere they didn't want me to go, they brought out the emotional blackmail and the guilt trips.
It was like when someone gives you a gift, and then expects you to give it back, or pay them back for it- but hang on, you never accepted the gift based on the terms of owing them for it, and they definitely can't just add that on a lot later, when it's convenient for them!

Personally, I don't think my parents intentionally meant it to come across that way.
I think they were just being worried parents, and saw it as me taking advantage of them.
So I said to them- if they wanted me to chip in for food, pay rent, wash my own clothes, or whatever, then all they had to do was ask.
But if the unspoken deal, was that living with them meant I wouldn't be treated like an adult, or even just a person who makes their own decisions, then I wanted out!
I moved back home to save money and because it was convenient, but I didn't move back to be treated like a child, which is something you have to be careful you don't get back into.
Because they are looking after you again, it's super easy to see you as their young, innocent child who needs protecting and looking after, and to be told what to do- but you're not!
& that will take them, and you, time to accept and get used to it.

SO, 
Draw a clear line that works for everyone.
Don't be too hard on the old folks, because they do only have your best interests at heart.
But if they do a lot for you, and think that by demanding freedom and a right to your own opinion is just abusing their hospitality, then offer to pay rent, or wash your clothes, or help around the house.
Make sure they're not doing an overload of things for you, so that they don't have ammo against you.
Make sure you're pulling your weight, and that they are satisfied with the work load distributions.
In return, if required, sit them down and have a chat (my, how the tables have turned- it could have been just yesterday when they sat you down, on that same couch to explain the birds and the bees!).
Explain to them what you want, and what you think you deserve, and what you're willing to do, to compromise and to make sure that both parties are happy.
If this doesn't work out, and you feel as if your parents are being unfair and controlling, and if the cons of living with them, outweigh the positives, then you may have to consider moving out.
But hopefully, they'll be understanding.
Because after all, they were teenagers once upon a distant, far away, long ago, prehistoric time.

Only you can know, when you're ready to take control of the wheel, and drive your own life.
Maybe you'll let your parents sit behind you and back seat drive- yelling directions at you.
That way, you can still choose whether to listen to their directions or ignore them.
Or maybe, you want to drop your parents off at the closest bus stop, and drive off into the sunset.
Only you can know.
But being an adult doesn't mean cutting your parents off.
Being independent is just the beginning, and there's no rush.
Because once they're gone, you will miss them.

Social Expectations of Adulthood

Grown Up Definition: 

adult, mature, of age, fully fledged, having reached one's majority, 

fully grown, fully developed, grown person, mature person

"EMOTIONALLY & MENTALLY MATURE"

Self-sufficient and responsible 

When we are children, there's always the question "what do you want to do when you grow up?"

Or there's always the phrase, "adult supervision" or "you'll have to ask a grown up"

 & the most overused four words in childhood are "When I grow up..." 

All of these phrases create this crazy notion that we all have instilled into us from a young age, that adults know everything, and have everything figured out.
That being an adult is FUN & something to look forward to!
(Hint: It's not)

We think that there comes a day when you just wake up and can say "I'm an adult now"- let life begin

But the line is a little blurry, because sure, you turn 18 and LEGALLY you're an adult.

But you're also still a teenager, who's probably poor and possibly studying, so even though you feel free and liberated and all that jazz, you still either live with your parents, or rely heavily on their income to help you pay rent, buy toilet paper and stock up on 3 minute noodles so you can eat.

So what about 20? Surely when you turn 20, you enter into adult hood and your ready, right?

Well- not quite. If you went to university after school then you're still at uni, and lets be honest, you still don't understand who you're voting for, what colours get washed with what or how to solve everyday problems on your own. So are you an adult yet? 

Aren't adults meant to have everything figured out? 

Kids are always planning what they want to be "when they grow up" and when they're "adults"
but it comes as a big shock to know that you don't just wake up an adult one day and walk into your dream job- you actually have to spend several more years at educational institutions to be qualified for said dream job and even then you still have to compete with another thousand or so people trying to get their dream jobs which just so happens to be the same as yours.


Basically- I don't think that even adults know how to be adults.
I think everyone is just thrust into this scary world where YOU are now the responsible one that makes the rules and you just have to go with the flow and hope for the best.
I think there are times when it really hits you, like when you get a mortgage, and when you have children of your own, and when you pay your own bills- you realise "Shit. I'm an adult."
& even then, although you might realise it, you still don't know what you're doing- and that's ok.
I think that even our parent's struggle sometimes, to know what to do or how to act or what to tell us.
I think even they sometimes question how to be an adult, because even they remember what it was like to be young and have your whole life ahead of you and call people older than them "old people".
We seem to think that being an adult means knowing everything- but really, that just comes with age. You don't get instant maturity, instant knowledge and instant wisdom.
You learn from experience, and then you accumulate a bunch of experiences that turn into knowledge, like changing a tyre, and buying the right brands, and what creams to put on what injuries- and you only know how to do these things because you've done them before.


So don't feel pressured and don't feel scared.
If you are 18 and over, then yes, you are considered an adult- congratulations!
But being an adult can be whatever you want it to be.
There is no rules that say you have to be self-sufficient and 100% responsible by a certain time.
You can still be immature, and childish and do stupid things.
There are no expectations of you, except for the ones you put on yourself.
If you're not ready to leave the nest- then stay.
You can't avoid growing up, but you can avoid being a grown up- if you really want to.


& just remember....

"You are not officially an adult until you buy your own toilet paper"

words to live by

An Introduction

Hello fellow clueless, terrified, unprepared young people.

Welcome to my blog.
The aim of it, is basically to discuss, teach and ponder all the skills, issues and potential road blocks that come with being a grown up.

I have always felt, that whilst school instilled some valuable knowledge into our minds, it also seemed to seriously skip over numerous skills and important lessons that were vital for us to learn, to become proper, successful adults.

Whilst we were learning how to find the measurements of a triangle using signs and degrees, those of us who had no interest in becoming builders or engineers, could have been learning how to pay taxes, bills, rent, university fees, fines, and toll fees.

Whilst we were learning about nautical miles, and boat navigation, those of us who were not pursuing the sailor profession, could have been learning how to iron, how to use a washing machine, how to hang out clothes on a washing line and how to colour co-ordinate washes so we don't turn all our white shirts, pink!

Whilst they were teaching us poetry, those of us who weren't into 17th century language, could have been learning how to rent a house, how to get a loan, how to set up a credit card, how to apply for insurance, how to write a will or how the countries political system works.

So if you feel as though you have been brutally shoved out of the carefree, peaceful and enjoyable bubble that was adolescence, and are now stumbling into this new scary world, full of commitments, and deadlines and rules, without any useful skills or guidance to help you through-
Don't worry, you may have come to the right place.